I Can't Pretend That I'm Alright

It's a really funny thing, life.

There are times when you can feel incredible, like you're on top of the world. And there are other times when you can feel like you just want to crawl under a rock because nothing is worth it anymore.

I don't understand the reason that life is the way it is. I sit back and think about why bad things are happening so much lately, and I can't put my finger on it. I think about how I don't understand what I did wrong to deserve all this, but then I realize that it's not just me who feels this way. Bad things happen to everyone.

I just wish that things could get better. Not just for me, but for everyone that's having a hard time right now. I don't get why just sometimes things can't work out. All I want is to be happy, and that's really hard for me right now.

Plus, it doesn't help that the one thing I want more than anything in the world is never going to happen. It hurts so bad just to know that no matter what I do, I'll never get it. It seems foolish to even think about it and I really should just let it go after so long, but for some reason I just cant. I want it so bad, more than anything, and it kills me to know for a fact that I can't have it.

I feel bad thinking this way. I feel selfish because I know that there are a lot of other people who have it so much worse than I do. I have good friends, I have my famly, I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food whenever I need it. There are some people who don't even have that. So why do I complain so much?

Maybe it's just because I'm not happy with myself. I don't like the way I look and the things I do always seem to bother at least one person. I'm always so stressed with school and whenever I feel like I'm doing okay again, I get hit with bad news in some form. The fact that my mom isn't home that much and my dad and step-dad arn't around anymore don't help much either.

I think that I really should stop thinking so negative all the time. As hard as it is, I should think about the good times and be thanksful for all the things that I have in my life. It's funny, if you saw me in school or hung out with me for a night you'd think I was the happiest girl in the world. Isn't it amazing how a big smile and a lot of laughs can hide so much?

I just want to be happy again.

Cause we lost it all. Nothing last forever. I'm sorry I can't be perfect. Now it's just too late and we can't go back, I'm sorry I can't be perfect.